Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
