If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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