We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
