he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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