I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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