bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
