I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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