the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
