Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
