I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
