And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this will be a night to untag.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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