My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
