Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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