NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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