sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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