Just cropdusted the office
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
