its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
