So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
In America we eat man semen.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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