you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
