peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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