Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
