they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
