If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
