So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
