i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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