I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
