I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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