That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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