Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
