Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
