im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
