so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
