Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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