sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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