Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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