I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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