Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
