I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
