yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
home. puking in laundry basket.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
