did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
