I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
