she looked like the before picture.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
