oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
