When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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