Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
