Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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