Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am midnight drunk by noon
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
