Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
