too bad you live with your parents still
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
