Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
last night I used snow as a chaser
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
