I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
