can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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