Porn is love you can see.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
