Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
